Turning 40
What does it mean to turn 40 years old? I can’t say it means much in the way that everyone might feel. My life had been super busy and my 40th came and went as any other day. Growing up, we didn’t put too much emphasis on birthdays, at most we would say “hey, it’s your birthday today. Happy birthday” No parties, no big production, no gifts. Maybe that upbringing, got me to not think about my age all that much. I think that’s a good thing.
However, the one thing I did notice after turning 40 was my lack of f*cks-given. I have been hardened by my experiences, by my disappointments and successes. As I move closer to my 50’s, my aspirations in life become clearer and I am more of a goal seeker now. I really don’t care what other people think of me, and hearing negative words about my work, or experiencing rejection no longer hurts (that much).
My 10 year old got home recently, crying that she had kept a seat for a school friend for many days, but this friend chose to sit somewhere else when she came back. I could see she was feeling rejected and there was very little I could do to remove that feeling from her. I talked to her a lot about how this is part of life and we learn how to deal with that eventually. Feeling rejected is not fun, it hurts, you feel inadequate. I explained all that to her, and she calmed down when I validated her feelings. At that point I wish I could transfer some of my hardness to her. I know now, that someone not wanting to hangout with me is not my problem, definitely not something I want to spend time on wondering. As a forty year old woman, I am more capable today to let go of negative experiences in a matter of seconds. This is a super power, and perhaps can only be acquired with age, my life is much easier as result.
I am more confident too. I can appreciate myself a lot more now than I ever could as a perfectly shaped teen. I couldn’t tell you how this happened. I read a lot, I am always learning. Maybe those readings became ingrained?
I don’t know. What I do know is that life in my forties has been fantastic in every way. Yeah, I complain about my 11 lines that make look angry when I am perfectly happy, I complain about many things but I can still appreciate them and have some grace in the process. I am never going to look this young again so might as well enjoy it today.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t be afraid of getting older. Life does get a lot better with age! Take care of your health and your brain and life just keeps getting better with age. I feel grown up and wise now. What is it going to be like to turn 50? I will enjoy my 40s and find out in a few years.